Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Control

It's not easy to answer your call anymore
when I know you'll lash your frustration
I'll sit here and take the citation
let you break down this foundation
you're making it hard for me,
to go anywhere from here.

tell me what to do
tell me what to say
you want to, you want to
tell me what do
tell me what to say
you want to, you want to
it's obvious to me, it's obvious to me
i'm just your little prey

You became nothing more than a closed door
You left me dry with your suffocation
I need a dose of life's medication
pulling off these chains of violation
I just need a little mediation
I'm an escapee,
I'm gonna make it out of here.

tell me what to do
tell me what to say
you want to, you want to
tell me what do
tell me what to say
you want to, you want to
it's obvious to me, it's obvious to me
i'm just your little prey

hear my plea
you've lost control
lock and key
will take its toll

let me be
wheres your soul
set me free
you dug this hole

tell me what to do
tell me what to say
you want to, you want to
tell me what do
tell me what to say
you want to, you want to
it's obvious to me, it's obvious to me
it's a new day

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Mail & Babysitting

Today was full of nothing but being lazy. After being on a wizard rock high last night I fell asleep around 12, which trust me is WAY early for me lately. I didn't wake up until around 11, which again is strange because even though I usually sleep at 4 am I wake up pretty early. (around 8 or 9) I seriously spent my day planning future videos for my youtube channel. I've found a love for making videos recently and I've found that making videos can sort of be like a therapy. Anyways, my day didn't really pick up till around 4 when the mail man delivered the mail. I was so excited because two items I had ordered had finally come. One is part of a birthday present for one of my friends and the other was charlieissocoollike's latest record. I never get tired of receiving mail. It feels like christmas morning every time I open a package or a letter, it always seems to lighten my spirits. While I'm on the subject of mail, I might as well mention that my new mac desktop is supposed to arrive in the morning. I am beyond excited, it is coming to me fully loaded with an adobe photoshop package and final cut pro! (WE WE WE SO EXCITED)

So after receiving all my packages and trying to not pee myself of excitement I got in my car and headed to babysit. When I got to the house the mother of the girl I was babysitting told me to go inside and make myself at home while she went and picked up her daughter from a day camp. I felt awkward as I sat there on the couch waiting for time to pass. Finally 20 minutes later they were back and the parents were getting ready to head out. Before they left the mom handed me money and I quickly put it into my pocket not looking to see how much I had received. They said goodbye and headed out the door. As they left I pulled out the money to see how much I had received just out of curiosity. Two five dollar bills were pulled out of my pocket and a frustrated expression formed on my face. I understand that I can't expect to be receiving loads of money from baby sitting, but 10 dollars for four hours felt like a rip off. This is not the first time I have been underpaid as at one point this summer I received 20 dollars for 7 hours of watching there daughter. I feel used. I know I could have another job this summer, but I'm just not feeling it. Senior year tore me up, emotionally physically mentally. I just needed a break and thats what I got. Oh well life must go on, I'm babysitting again on saturday, from 3 to 9 and I best be getting a bigger paycheck. Until next time...

listening to: obliviate me by i speak tree

(no spell check/grammar check)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Photoshop, Late Nights, & Wizard Rock.

I've found recently that I have an obsession with replacing my ridiculous face onto others faces using photoshop. It may sound super silly, but It's seriously hilarious. I've been having a little too much fun with it lately, maybe taking it a little too far with who's pictures I use, but still uncontrollably funny.

These past few days have been full of nothing but long nights with my long distance friends and laughing with them for hours until finally crashing around 4 am. I'm so thankful to have all these people in my life who fill me with nothing but joy. I just wish they lived close so we could all be together and live a so called "normal" life with them, even though I think our friendships are pretty normal minus the long distance part. (and minus how outrageous we are!) I can't wait for the day that I meet each and everyone of them face to face. It will happen in the next year, there is no doubt in my mind. It took time for my parents to realize that these were the friends that I have needed my whole life. I've really only had one close friend (Kathleen) in my entire life. I've never felt like people understood me and to now have these friends who completely get me and who want to pursue a friendship with me, is strange and surreal all in the same time.

So after another long night with my friends last night I slept in till around 10, which really isn't bad. When I woke up, the chores began to pile on so I chose to do them and get everything over with occasionally taking breaks to watch ridiculous videos that were posted on my wall by bobby, erika, and tianna. I met up with my friend Kathleen around 5:30 at our local library and we set off to go thrifting, grab some starbucks, and mcdonalds fries before Kathleen's first wizard rock show. Our first stop was starbucks, I ordered a chocolate chip frapuccino and Kathleen got a Chi Tea. SO good. Our next stop was the DAV, we couldn't help but laugh at all the crazy things we found. I ended up buying a fish bowl and a Bruce Springsteen cassette tape. (to give to steph anderson!) Kathleen bought two Barbara Streisand records. After the DAV we headed across the street to the Salvation Army thrift store where again we laughed at all the hilarious finds. Tie Dye pants anyone? We found ourselves in awe of the VHS section as we browsed through different video tapes that we used to watch as kids. Lets just say I had the biggest crush on Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen as a kid. After Kathleen purchased two pairs of jeans and a pair of shorts, we headed to McDonalds and got a medium fry to split. Oh that greasy goodness. After consuming the fries and gaining ten pounds we wobbled to the car and headed back to the Library for Kathleen's first show. Kathleen just finished reading the Harry Potter series in June right before we went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. She has been on a Harry Potter high ever since she finished, which is completely understandable. I'm glad she read them and is obsessed with the series, now I have someone local to nerd out with! We got to the show a bit early and waited outside the auditorium for Kathleen's sister Maureen. I was surprised at the crowd that showed up for the show, who are these nerds and why aren't they my friends? As the doors opened everyone flooded in. It was weird at first seeing Matt, Lauren, Steph, and Justin for the first time, because I had always just known them as musicians/youtube nerds from the Internet. I think my favorite set of the night was Lauren's. I didn't realize how talented she really was until I heard her live. That may sound strange, but it's just what I'm thinking. After everyone played we went merch crazy and I ended up purchasing Lauren's new CD, Justin's CD, Stephs EP of the month CD, and a tour poster. I would have purchased something from Matt, but I basically have all of his music. At the end of the night I realized that my life for wizard rock is only growing stronger and I can't wait to hear more. And now that my thoughts are written down, maybe it will be easy to fall into a slumber. We shall see.

listening to: maybe by lauren fairweather

(I didn't do any spelling/grammar checks, I'm mostly getting everything off my chest so I can sleep.)

Thursday, June 2, 2011

list. 4/365

3 am wake up
browsed internet
cereal at 6
chat with dad
back to sleep till 9
hash brown & water
chat with mom
short walk
adressed thank you letters
mowed the lawn
unloaded dish washer
reloaded dish washer
unloaded dryer
reloaded dryer
repeat
unloaded washer
reloaded washer
repeat
made tea
veggie chips, animal crackers, & water
short walk
played basketball
chat with parents
short nap
pizza & water
chat with cousins
itunes purchases
S&U website purchase
tumblr
youtube
facebook
chat with kathleen
now dennis the menace
sleep

list. 3/365

wake up
waffles
shower
brush teeth
baby sitting
home
kathleen
panera
pet land
barnes and noble
home
sleep

short yet long day.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

list. 2/365



wake up
shower
brush teeth
tumblr
photoshoot
selby
nathaniel green park
forest
abandoned house
beans & root beer
doctor who episode three; the unquiet dead
talked to eva
seen and unforeseen business
hamburger & coca cola
4 hour nap
sleepless nights

list. 1/365




awakened
waffles & water
movie in parents bed
shower
park
vintage stock
home
doctor who; episode 1 rose.
talked to hannah
tumblr
daddy day care
veggie chips & sweet tea
lauren fairweather chat room
doctor who; episode 2 the end of the world
long walk
4 bread rolls & sweet tea
pringles vlog
short run
the secret life of the american teenager
youtube
tumblr
facebook
wizard rock
journal

feeling: alone
music: forever together - ministry of magic

because in the end you'll have someone. they'll always be there. thick & thin. don't fret.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

It's only the beginning.



This morning started off roughly as I went to the gas station down the road to fill my car up at 6:45 am hoping to beat the 7 am traffic. I could have cried as I realized how much money I had spent on gas, such a waste. I did end up beating the traffic as I drove back to my house to continue getting ready for school, only to realize my mother had left, leaving me locked out of our house. Of course, I didn't have my garage door opener, a house key, or my phone, leaving me with the one option to drive to school and get a garage door opener from my mother. I guess it wasn't a huge deal considering I live 15 minutes away from my school, but It was just a hassle and stressed me out as I had just filled my car up and now I had to waste some of that gas. Other than that little ordeal, I had an alright day. I focused mainly on my 8 page bible paper that is due friday, I've hit seven pages, almost done!

When I got home I went straight to my computer and logged on facebook only to find that my good friend Audrey had posted a link to the new deathly hallows part two trailer. My heart skipped a beat, knowing I wasn't ready to watch it, I ended up working on my paper for a few hours and returned to the interwebs to watch the trailer. I can honestly say that I'm not fully ready for this movie, I was hardly ready for the trailer. I mean, I'm so excited to see the movie, but I just feel like a piece of me will be missing after this movie is released. I know that the Harry Potter fandom will continue on for a long while, but I'm still terribly anxious, nervous, and emotional about the final installment. I just need to keep it in my mind that this isn't the end.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

21 days to break my chains.


Today during a lecture in a business class I sat in on the speaker talked about habits.
He said "It takes 21 days to break or make a habits." For some reason this really stuck with me.
There are several different habits I plan to break this summer, for instance being lazy, no exercise, and my fear of making videos. All of these habits are holding me back in some way and have chained me down in different aspects of my life. I plan to create several good habits and tear down the terrible ones. 21 days to break my chains.

I've decided that I want to start blogging again, mostly because I like to copy my friend Eva. I can't help that she inspires me in every aspect of my life. She's such a joy to have in my life. Forever thankful for her.